does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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