highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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