well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
