I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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