I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
