I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
