So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
