My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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