Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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