Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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