I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
