need another drink. this is the easiest way
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
