i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
