I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
