oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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