hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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