so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
