im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
