She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
