you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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