If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize