i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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