so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
