I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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