i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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