She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
