Im at strip club and am horny
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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