Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
