birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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