I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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