I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize