also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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