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At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
