I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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