thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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