Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize