im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
