My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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