did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
