He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
