Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
