this beer tastes like vomit already
His hands were made for my vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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