i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
