We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
