he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize