Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
nutella sex= disaster
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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