what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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