your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
