Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sarcasm needs its own font
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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