i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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