just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
