So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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