I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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