Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
