dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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