I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
