Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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