i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
