so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
