New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
