I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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