cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
