Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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